My lovely fella booked tickets for us to see Jurassic World at the Everyman Cinema in Hampstead. This is one of my favourite cinemas - there are couches, stools, central heating, waiter service... everything that the Odeon can never provide! I definitely recommend visiting one.
Anywho, we had both looked forward to this. We are both big fans of Chris Pratt's work and like everyone else, loved the first Jurassic Park. Sadly, you will have to prepare for a pretty big rant. Sad face.
Also MAJOR SPOILER ALERT coming up. If you haven't seen the film, and would like to not know key moments that happen then look away now..
Here are some bad points -
I felt there was a shadow running through out the entire film, and that shadow was Jurassic Park 1.
In 22 years, no matter how hard they try they cant seem to make a better film than the first..and I think they know it. They hint at this through the entire film, its a bit bizarre. They introduce a character called Lowry (Jake Janson) who shares his passion for the first park that opened.
Whenever he popped up on the screen I gripped my seat and hoped it would stay for at least another 5 minutes. This didn't work. His appearance in the film was way too short! His sidekick Vivian was equally hilarious. Why weren't these characters chosen to be pushed to the front? Why was Chris Pratt's character so dull?! I've seen him from Parks and Recreation to the hilarious voice in The Lego Movie, he has such amazing charisma and a amazing gift at punch lines - why wasn't this used at all??
Claire. I never wanted a woman to die in such a hideous way. Its so BORING having these same roles given to women in these big money films. Your single and your in a very high position at work? Power suits. Perfect make up and hair. Slim body. Likes schedules. High heels. Her sister who doesn't communicate to her kids at all, is sorting a divorce with her soon to be ex husband and sends her kids away to pester their aunt at her busy (and dangerous) workplace without batting an eyelid. Because of course her sister would LOVE to hang out with a creepy girl obsessed teenager with his thumbs glued to his phone and an annoying 7 year old with ADHD and a weird collection of 80's toys. You need to feel sorry for her. She's single in her 30's with a demanding job and no kids!! " you don't know how old your nephews are?!?" asks Pratt's character. NO!!! She's been busy the last 7 years helping make a race that was extinct not extinct and make a freekin' theme park out of it! She's been chasing investors to raise this trillion dollars for a new cross breed! It's got loads of teeth, its what they asked for!!!
Anyway, the point when I started REALLY hating this film was when the film decided to focus on what Claire was wearing. Yes, Claire's high heels. She wears high heels while running in the jungle, away from a thing that should be running at like, 80 mph. But the monster sees she's wearing high heels, so it goes easy on her. Even the T Rex is like "jeeeze, her feet must be killing her!! I'm really attracted to the flares she's waving around, but maybe I should go easy on her and move a lil bit slower...". And then the clothes start coming off, one buy one. And then someone throws some grease on her chest. And another person pops up with the curling tongs and fixes her hair. And throughout the running, the blood splattering, the explosions, the glass and shit falling all around her, her make up is flaw-less. Baffling.
The good points -
I liked how they kept referencing the first Jurassic Park. It made me realise how much better that film will be than any of the other shit they spring up and how hopeless this all is. The fact that they were chilling in the Tshirt hut with a shirt behind them of a T Rex and a quote next to it saying "I'm Back!" before the T Rex makes its appearance is brilliant. I loved how they entered the old building in the restricted zone, and the kid finds part of the banner on the floor. And then burns it. I felt like it represented something there (this movie burned away all my excitement and expectations). I kept hoping one of the guys from the first film (maybe a security guard?!) was actually alive in that building,waiting like Robin Williams in Jumanji for someone to come and rescue him. He would have a big shaggy beard and resemble a cave man.They would bring him back to the new improved park with all the shit looking CGI dino's. Upon seeing how crap it looks, he would run back to his old Jurassic Park den and never return to the abysmal place they have produced.
Yes I said it, the dinosaurs looked shit.
Its amazing how in 2015, you can make something look more fake than its original in 1993. 22 years has passed folks! What the actual fuck. I'm sorry but King Kong vs TREX in the King Kong 2005 film was way better than that shitty fake fight with 'The One With Teeth' and TREX. And the scene where 'The One With Teeth' is having a lovely chat with the triceps is ridiculous and laughable, but not even good laughable like Starship Troopers. Just sad laughable. Sorry, I've just realised these were meant to be the good bits. Woops.
Also, that kids photos from his Diana camera will not come out very well at all.
Anyway, I drew a female version of Owen here. Hopefully the next sequel (yes they built it up for a feking sequel) will have better leads for females without the condensing sexist tripe. Rant over !
No comments:
Post a Comment